VAX Trek V The Movie: "The Crunchy Bits"
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Episode 6:
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Captain's Log Stardate 42.424242
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We are being held at gunpoint by an impostor who was posing as Uhura, and
to make matters worse, we are confronted by three Klingon battlecruisers..

Uhura: "Oi! what do you think you're doing! Get back over there and keep
	your hands up!"

Jim: "I was just doing my Captain's log"

Uhura: "I'll DO you if you don't watch it Kirk"

Spock: "Little man, if he DOESN'T do the log then Starfleet Command will send
	out a patrol ship to look for us. And then we'd be rescued, you'd be
	caught, hung, and then given a fair trial. You wouldn't want that
	would you?"

Uhura: "As long as you didn't put anything in the log that might arouse
	their suspicions..."

Jim: "Oh no no, nothing of the sort....Just the usual stuff about the
	engines, the crew, the ship in general really."

Uhura: "...Nothing about me?"

Jim: "Nope...it completely slipped my mind that you were here actually.."

Uhura: "Hmm..alright then...but check with me next time you want to do
	anything."

Jim: (whispering) "phew!...that was a close one Spock....how long till
	Starfleet get here with the heavy artillery?"

Spock: (whispering) "3.4212 hours approximately Captain"

Jim: "Damn...how can we hold out here for over 3 hours?...I feel like I need
	to go and powder my nose already..."

Checkov: "Here Captain, you can use mine" (producing a make-up set from his
	handbag)

Jim: "Groan...Checkov...you must learn not to translate everything literally
	into Russian...when I say I want to powder my nose I mean...oh
	forget it......."

Uhura: "Look you lot!..Stop muttering...just keep your hands up, and keep
	quiet!" (fiddling with a few switches on the communications panel)
	"Purple Hamster calling Klingon battlecruisers, come in please...
	Purple Hamster to Klingon battlecruisers..."

["This is Brown Envelope to Purple Hamster...we read you loud and clear.."]

Uhura: "I have the crew at gunpoint....please come aboard.."

Jim: "Why the dirty little!!....He's a Klingon agent..."

Uhura: "Very observant of you Kirk...."

Jim: "What are you after ...you..fiend!"

Uhura: "For many years the Klingons have been trying to capture a Federation
	Starship...and at last we have succeeded..."

Spock: "...The Federation's greatest technical secrets are incorporated
	into its starships.....they'll find out the secret of the warp drive
	system.......how our weapons work....how our transporters work..."

Uhura: "Bugger all that.....we want to find out how to make our doors
	go 'Sheesh'"

Jim: "How do you know OUR doors go ...'Sheesh'?"

Uhura: "It's no use pretending Kirk, we have evidence...It took us many years
	to find out, but our greatest scientists
	built a new sensor device that could be used to detect the door
	noises on nearby starships..."

Spock: (whispering to jim) "..very ingenious....but also extremely pointless..
	...Typical of the Klingons really....they've a lot to learn...
	..and it has a lot to do with why we got our own TV series and they
	didn't..."

Uhura: "Shut up.....and stand at attention...prepare to salute Commander
	F.J.Trouserpress of the Imperial Klingon battle legion..."


[Trumpet fanfare, as the main doors to the bridge open.....]

*********************  Next Week: Episode 7. ************************


Galactic Credits:
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	Story by:				DJY
	Special Effects:			Available at extra cost
	Transporter Powered By:			Duracell batteries
	VAX Computer System kindly run by:    Those Great Computer Centre Peeps
	Impostor Uhura Supplied By:		Zorko's Dwarf Emporium
	Phasers:				Set to 'kill'


Tune in again..same time..same channel...next week...for another thrilling
episode....